Living with this disease has been traumatic for me and for those I love. All of the symptoms of trauma have become a part of who we are. That’s why we need to do so much work to recover. We’re not just recovering from the disease of addiction, we’re recovering from the symptoms of emotional
This disease distorts the reasoning of all around me. Because we’re trying so hard to hide the pain of watching ourselves and those we love become mired in the disease and losing our grip on our own happiness, we use our thinking to twist and bend the truth into a more palatable shape. We rationalize
When I see those I love sink further and further into this disease it is painful to witness. I watch those I love steeped in denial, coming up with a new set of rationalizations for each manifestation of the disease and I feel deep frustration and sometimes despair at their unwillingness to see the reality
Victim-hood can come with secondary gains. It can allow me to be insensitive to others as I “meet my needs
I cannot enjoy a sparrow by holding onto it, I need to hold my hand flat and let it come and go. I cannot grow in my recovery by hanging onto each and every awareness or personal gain for dear life. I have to give it away to keep it. I will nourish the light
Shame is not the same as humility. Self deprecation is not humility. Feeling less than, under-serving of attention or bad about myself is not humility. In fact being stuck in negative self concepts can be a sort of dark narcissism, it puts me at the center of the universe and allows me to be endlessly
What I hide, hides me. When I’m more invested in keeping something hidden then unearthing and exploring it, I need to wonder why I am doing that. Is it shame at what others will think that keeps me silent? Is it that I cannot imagine being forgiven or that I cannot forgive myself for who
Denying this disease does not make it go away. I have watched this disease wrap its tentacles around three generations now. I have watched each generation pretend that it wasn’t all that bad, that it didn’t do all that much damage, that they didn’t really need help. But they did. This disease is not only
Today, I am allowing myself to take a clear direction, one that will allow me to build a foundation and a structure within which I can live a clean and wholesome life. Commitment to a path is really commitment to myself. When I procrastinate, put things off and hesitate to do what I know I