Today I recognize that I must have a self before I can lose a self. In the process of development, children harden their boundaries first before they make choices about where to soften them. In recovery the same process takes place. I reach back and rework areas in my life when I was not allowed to develop my own boundaries. This may be either because they were constantly invaded in little ways or because my family
had hard boundaries around it to protect its secrecy. Within those boundaries, identities tend to be fused. We had a family identity but lacked individual ones, an innocent mistake given the times. I am patient with myself today as I develop a self and learn about what I am like.

I have my own personality.

There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.
Hindustani proverb