I have found living with addiction to be confusing, painful and even traumatizing. Not knowing when the next crisis will erupt, wondering if this family event will actually happen, will blow up, will pass by as if no one had ever heard of it or just be an empty ritual has been painful, mortifying and scary. Life feels so unpredictable when addiction has us all by the tail I find myself living on the edge emotionally, going from zero to ten and ten to zero with no speed bumps in between. Too much stress, too much fear, pain, anger or anxiety makes me want to shut down. I go from emotional and psychological overwhelm to numbness. It’s my body’s and mind’s way of protecting itself from either exploding or melting down. Today when I feel on the edge and flooded with more emotion than I can handle I will pick up the phone, go to a meeting or take a break. I will breathe. I will remember that I am on a path of recovery and I will use the tools of the program.

I rely on program tools, wisdom and camaraderie to get me through

Tears, sorrow, and disappointment are bitter, but wisdom is the comforter in all psychic suffering. Indeed, bitterness and wisdom form a pair of alternatives: where there is bitterness wisdom is lacking, and where wisdom is there can be no bitterness.

CJ Jung