Cycling back and forth between behavioral extremes mirrors my own cycling back and forth between emotional extremes. It reflects the seesawing from agitation to numbness, from overwhelm to underwhelm that is part of the stress/trauma response. Over eating and undereating, over spending and underspending, over doing and underdoing reflect my own lack of ability to self regulate. I used to rely on medicators for my mood management like drugs, alcohol, food, sex, debting and spending. But they only get me into trouble and keep me locked in a cycle of binging and purging.

In recovery I have learned healthy ways of managing my moods and I am going to use them. I can exercise, share my feelings, journal, take a walk, have lunch out doors, rest, meditate or enjoy some uplifting reading. All of these activities elevate my mood. Relaxing with a pleasant book or a fun movie can do the same thing. I will not need to work so hard to elevate my moods if I learn how to keep myself happy in simple and regular ways.

I manage my moods consciously

 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao-tzu