Events in the present can trigger pain from the past. Sometimes I encounter a situation or a relationship dynamic that makes me feel as helpless and alone as I felt as a child. But the problem is, I don’t know that’s what’s going on, my old pain, humiliation or hurt gets touched but I don’t want to know that. I have denied my own pain so often that I don’t even know how to identify, own or articulate it. I don’t know how to separate yesterday’s pain from what’s getting triggered today. And when I get into that place I am an emotional, quivering heap, an accident waiting to happen, a powder keg waiting to explode when ignited by just about anything. This disease hurts so much. It makes me feel crazy. It makes me want to scream at people and call them idiots. But I have been down that road before, many times, and it gets me nowhere and does no one else any good. Today, I will humble myself before the power of this disease to destroy lives. I will recognize my own powerlessness. I will invite God and time and prayer in.

“There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way