The relationship dynamics that I recreate and reenact over and over and over again send up a red flag marking the spot of where my unconscious pain lies. When I see a dysfunctional relationship pattern in my life repeat and repeat itself, when the relationships are different but the pattern is the same, I will stop, look and listen. This is where I will dig for water, where I will mine for gold. When I can understand where these patterns started and took hold, when I can feel the unfelt pain, fear, anger or sadness that hold them in place, the well will open and the waters of my unconscious will flow freely again.  When I cannot feel those difficult feelings, I act them out through a blindly recreating the same sorts of situations and dynamics that I am most afraid of, that I most wish to avoid or that hurt me in my past in a way that I am afraid to feel.

I will allow myself to see and feel what drives me from underneath

Repetition compulsion is psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations that have a high probability of the event occurring again. This “re-living” can also take the form of dreams, repeating the story of what happened, and even hallucination.