Today I will allow my irrational feelings of helplessness over the disease to shift to a chosen state of powerlessness. Powerlessness is a conscious act of surrender and implies my own recognition that I cannot control people, places and things. Helplessness is part of the trauma response, part of the collapse that any human or animal goes into when they feel that there is nothing they can do that will help to change things for the better. When I allow myself to shift into a chosen state of powerlessness, I make a profound move inward and upward. The helplessness that I carry from the disease, that feeling that nothing I can do will make a difference, transforms into a spiritual recognition and I can surrender my wish to control people, places and things in order to feel safe and OK. I find safety and comfort in my Higher Power, I let go and let God. I can stop being Sisyphus pushing the same rock up the same mountain. I can let go of my wish to control, I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it.

I am powerless over this disease

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

Harriet Beecher Stowe