In a way, I am what I think and feel all day. I can shift what I am feeling by consciously changing my thoughts and I can shift what I’m thinking, by consciously evening out my emotional states. This ability is a cornerstone of my ability to live in emotional sobriety. When I am emotionally sober everything looks different, my thinking is less jagged and my behavior more balanced. I can actually meet the little challenges of my day without exploding, imploding or withdrawing. I have the emotional balance to be able to think through my feelings rather than leap into mindless action, I can talk out my painful or confused emotions rather than act them out. This way of living and relating leads to insight rather than alienation, it builds emotional muscle and balance, I can actually tolerate feeling more pain and more joy, I expand and strengthen my emotional container, my ability to feel what I am feeling and use my intelligence to think through my feelings and reflect on them rather than deny and rationalize them. My mind, in this way becomes my servant rather than my master.

I calm my heart

When you hear the word intelligence the first thing you probably think of isn’t the heart. But research has shown that the heart is in fact smart. The brain in the head is dutifully obeying messages that are being sent from another brain, “the brain in the heart.” The heart isn’t just a throbbing mass of muscle, it’s actually quite a sensitive instrument that is processing critical information, constantly communicating with the brain.

Kim Allen